It is pretty hard not to notice that over the past few months my blog posts have been far less frequent, and truth be told I have intentionally put my blog on the back burner (a decision that was not easy for me to make, but sacrifices needed to be made and priorities chosen and after everything I've been through there was no question that my own mental and physical health had to come first). There was a time when my blog was the best thing in my world. I saw it as my baby: my little corner of the internet where I could write about my journey, write advice, review products... and amazingly people actually seemed interested in what I had to say. And then life got in the way, and blogging no longer felt like an outlet, but a chore. Not blogging manifested as a feeling of guilt, and my blog became one more stress in my already overwhelmingly stress filled life. A sad line to have to write at 22 years of age. I came to accept that maybe that was the way of the modern world. Maybe nowadays stress was paramount to success and survival in this increasingly fast paced generation. But really it isn't.
When I started my blog I made myself a promise to always stay true to myself... to never post for the sake of posting, to never project an opinion that I did not 100% believe to be true. And recently I realised that whilst I was writing about the importance of health and self love, I was actually failing to follow my own advice. I have unintentionally placed myself back in a series of increasingly stressful situations, I have over committed myself and refused to let go of the reins for fear of letting someone down. A feeling all too synonymous to the beginning of the slippery slope that caused this journey to 'recovery' in the first place. A slope that left me in a place far away from the peak of my health and happiness, and a place I am not willing to let myself knowingly and willingly slide back to.
As a result I ended up draining myself. Including time spend commuting I was working roughly 48 hours a week, I was maintaing this blog, I was doing freelance graphic design work, completing university assignments and presentations, meal prepping and trying to fit in intense training sessions practically seven days a week. I was waking up at 5.45 every morning, and not walking back through the door until 8 or 9 o'clock at night, at which time university work would be worked on until around 11 when I would finally allow myself some down time if I was lucky, before fitting in that 6 hour maximum sleep and starting all over again. Whilst all this was going on, unbeknownst to me my iron levels were slowly draining, eventually reaching the point I am now at with practically no iron storage whatsoever. It hit me like a ton of bricks; one day I was fine... the next I could barely get out of bed. My body decided that enough was enough. As much as it's breaking my heart inside to take this time off from training and blogging (my two biggest passions), the whole situation really opened my eyes to the stress that I was putting my mind and body under every single day. I regard my health in such high importance, having come from the place I have come from and travelled the journey that I have and it's heartbreaking to feel like this year of hard work could be snatched away in a matter of weeks if I don''t really take this time off to look after myself.
In a few weeks my life will be freed up a lot more; I finish my job and for the first time will have far fewer commitments. I plan to use that time to reconnect with my blog, to truly commit to my strength, training and health and most importantly to really look after myself.
So why blog now? Because I had an urge to. An overwhelming urge to write; and for the first time in months it felt like how it used to. Something so passionate came into my head that I couldn't not manifest it in some way. That, and the fact that I really appreciate my followers bearing with me and I felt like you all deserved an explanation.
I'll be back. I promise.